First, sex is searching for God. I purposely put this thesis up front, as number one. Sex finds its purpose in God in that sexual union is a symbol or a sacrament of union with Christ. Paul writes in Ephesians 5:32 that this is what the mystery of sexual union is about. So you cannot think about sex in its fullest sense without thinking of union with Christ. If sexual union is sacramental in character, you can’t treat it like it’s something dirty or weird, something to avoid. Sexual union does not exist for itself, either. Yes, of course, sex is pleasurable, and bodily satisfaction is part and parcel of the sexual act.
But the pleasure we derive from sex is not its final end. Not even the relationship with one’s spouse, or the kids that may come from sex, are the main point. Sexual union derives its meaning ultimately from union with Christ. That is, our spiritual union with Christ is the great reality in the physical union between husband and wife. When we ignore union with Christ as the final purpose of sex, sexual union loses its truth, goodness, and beauty.
Second, God invents sex. We live in a broken world, but let’s not begin with brokenness. God told Adam and Eve, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth” (Gen. 1:28). The reason God talks about his relationship with us as one of bridegroom and bride is that God invented weddings. God patterned human love on his love for us. Sex, therefore, is God’s idea, not ours. That means that God has a patent on sex. We can’t invent or make up ways of doing sex. We don’t create reality; we try to follow reality. That’s a liberating thought. We don’t have the burden of constructing our own realities; we don’t have to invent our own sense of how sex functions; we may simply enter the realities God has already created for us.
Sexual attraction itself, therefore, does not determine what is right and wrong. Just because something feels right does not necessarily make it right. Sexual “inventiveness” is a sign that things have gone awry. Our sexual lives are properly ordered when they follow the patent that God has on sex.
Third, sex is not God. Few people will make arguments that identify sex with God, but you and I know that in practice, that’s how we’re tempted to live. Everything around us—and, perhaps just as often, everything inside us—screams that sex is ultimate, and whatever you treat as ultimate is your God. If sexual union is only a sacrament of a greater union, namely, a union with Christ, then we must stop treating sex as though it were our God.
Sex is only one aspect of human life, and not the decisive one. It is union with Christ alone that determines who we are, and sexual union is simply a symbol of our identity in Christ. Put bluntly: You don’t need to have sex to be fully human. To be fully human, what you need is Christ. Sometimes we must say “no,” therefore, to sexual union. Self-denial is an important element of the Christian pilgrimage, for it allows us to focus on what is of ultimate importance in life: union with Christ.
